Holidays can bring out the best or the worst in people. I would like to think that the former of the last statement is true in most cases, but as we all know the stress throughout the Holidays can sometimes be monumental. There are all sorts of things that cause said stress during the Holiday season: family, office parties, get together's and the worst of all: shopping.
More specifically Black Friday or what I like to call the competitive shopping season, can be a bear. Most women turn into these zombie-like beings that constantly search for the kill or best shopping deal and are relentless in their pursuit. What makes it even funnier is the competition between women for the same item. I've witnessed Black Friday (I call it Hell Day) up close and personal with my wife. She decided to get her some shoes once on H-Day and I, wantng to be the helpful husband decided to assist her. We walked into the retail store and it was as if I were gazing upon a disturbed ant mound: women were everywhere scurrying about looking for the best deals. I immediately knew I had made a mistake.
I asked my wife, "Do you know what you are looking for?"
"Kind of," she replied. "Boots mostly."
It was also at that point that I realized I made 2 mistakes. You see us guys are on a mission when we shop. We know exactly what we are looking for and where to go to get it. We walk into the store and go directly to the area that our items are, purchase said items and leave. Not women. They are like an ADHD child in a toy store: everything is a distraction. They touch everything. They pick up everything and then they ask us guys questions like, "What do you think?"
"I think you better go get what you came to get so I can get out of here."
We meander to the shoe area and after about 20 minutes of looking she finds a pair of boots. As she was looking I started people watching. I watched one lady get into a tug of war over a pair of shoes and the two ladies gave each other the "I will steal these shoes and your soul if you don't let go" kind of look. It was just absolutely amazing. You could here yelling and shouting throughout the store and let's not forget the extra helping of bickering from everyone there. What really cracks me up is how everyone is mad that there are so many people there. Really? Did you think it'd just be you? C'mon man, seriously? They advertise this for a reason! We proceed to the check out line and of course we are about 15 deep. As we're waiting you can tell that people are getting anxious in line and just plain impatient with waiting. Snide comments and remarks start to spout out of mouths towards the cashier, not to mention the daggers flying from their eyes as well. If you are crazy enough to shop on Black Friday then you have to know that you are going to have to wait in line. Moses isn't gonna show up and part the checkout lines for you to pass through with no wait, lady, so chill out like the rest of us and wait your turn (feel free to use that one, it's not patented. Yet...).
After a 15 minute wait, we pay and head for the exit. My wife starts to peer at other deals and I pull her back to our path and we continue on.We finally make it to the car, bags in hand and I remember feeling like I've ran a marathon. The stress and overall atmosphere had just about rendered me breathless. It's something that I'll never do again, in fact, I've never gone back on Black Friday because of my experience and I never will.
So ladies, when you kindly look at your husbands an invite us to come (or drag us along), don't bother, we'll gladly stay behind and allow you the time to venture into the abyss of Black Friday: A Nightmare on Any Street....